TDF 2015 – Quiz responses

Congratulations to S, winner of this year’s quiz. Of course there are many honourable mentions: contributors who balanced wit and accuracy; those who demonstrated how three weeks of Sherliggettisms can really worm their way into the brain, for better or worse; those who researched above and beyond and had me scratching my head as to whether the “right” answer should be the fact peddled by the commentators, or the actual answer…

It seems a shame to keep all that to myself, so here are some of the highlights.

1. In the excitement of the stage 1 time trial, where were Australian fans said to be sitting?

  • grilling their bums (Rusty)

2. Does Marcel Kittel only use Alpecin because they sponsor his team?

  • Yes, he was not telling the truth in the ads. (Neilly)
  • No, because there is an actual warning on the bottle that the caffeine may cause adverse findings for sportsman (I can provide a screenshot if required) (Froggies)

3. Whose hair is a better gauge of weather conditions at the finish: Robbie’s or Mike’s?

  • No idea, I was too distracted by the perfection of Robbie’s eyebrows. (Dzurlady)
  • Macka, on the other hand, was of no use in this situation (Froggies)

4. According to Paul, what does everybody want to be when they grow up?

  • Stephen Roche’s son, or nervous, or a big diesel engine, a head of state, or Ritchie Froome, a former mountain bike rider (Bag o’Spanners)
  • South African (Accidental Sunshine)
  • Actually I’ve decided they want to be a “Mountain Bike Rider” so they can be described as “a former mountain bike rider” and Paul and Phil can get paid more for the additional syllables. (S)
  • An astronaut, a dry stone waller, Paul Sherwen, rich and thin? (Neilly)

5. How can you differentiate between the Yates twins?

  • You can’t, they’re twins (Tete de la Course)
  • Easy, at last year’s TDF, Paul told us that Adam (who looks like his mother) was 2 years older than Simon (who looks like his father), but this year they just had different rider numbers (Bag o’Spanners)
  • If Phil said it was Simon, it was almost certainly Adam. (Froggies)

6. Which province is the hotbed of cycling?

  • Brittany is the hotbed of French cycling, but Lourdes is the hotbed of French cricket (Froggies)

7. What euphemism did the Ps use to refer to JC Péraud’s exposed bits in stage 13?

  • Whatever it was it was clearly effective, because I have no idea, despite being 100% focused on the commentary and only the commentary at that point of the race.  (Dzurlady)
  • I didn’t hear THAT but I had my selective deafness turned on. (Giveitaburl)

8. Speaking of shorts, why did Rohan Dennis choose black shorts for some stages?

  • If Matty Keenan mentioned it again I was going to throttle him! Rohan had a saddle sore and RODE 3,340kms with them!! one Aussie tough bloke!! Shaddup Matty!! (Sue)

9. How did Valverde end up with torn shorts in stage 6?

  • When taking the piss, one should always unclip properly, no matter how much a hurry you’re in (Bag o’Spanners)
  • He and Thibot Pinot went handbags at each other? (Rusty)
  • A “piss-hap” – silly clot fell off his bike while communing with nature. (S)
  • He was trying to turn out the lights… BOOM BOOM (Accidental Sunshine)

10. What was the punchline to Paul Sherwen’s hilarious stage 6 joke?

  • Naturally, nobody tried to be funnier in answering this question than the actual answer to the question. Who, after all, could beat the wheeze that was Puffin?

11. Which alliterative adjectives did the Ps use to describe the four GC favourites?

  • Fantastic, famous, fromage  (Dzurlady)

12. What is the 10th largest port in the world?

  • Since the Ps have problems with numbers I’d say Rotterdam but I think it’s actually Busan in South Korea by container volume.  (Tete de la Course)
  • Its Yingkou in China. A very odd question for TDF quiz, I would have thought Rotterdam as the 8th largest would have been more appropriate. (Bag o’Spanners)
  • The port that is larger than the 11th largest port in the world, but smaller than the 9th largest port in the world.  (Dzurlady)
  • Richie Porte (S)

13. Which past champion was mentioned ad nauseum during stage 3 and why?

  • MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, OOH, IS THAT A STATUE OF EDDIE MERCKX? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, IS THERE A RACE ON? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX (S)

14. In a team time trial, which rider do they take the time from?

  • Leeloo (Bag o’Spanners)
  • Hesjedal (Froggies)

15. Is Tejay a pilot fish or a goldfish?

  • Depends on whether he is going uphill or not, gasping. (Rusty)
  • After stage 17 when he went missing in action, I thought he was actually a clown fish called “Nemo”. (S)
  • A salmon, rising magnificently from the stream until he met an early end (Dzurlady)

16. How did Geraint Thomas say he would respond when the doctors asked his name after the stage 16 crash?

  • If it was Phil it’d be Richie Froome but he doesn’t need a knock to the head for that.  (Tete de la Course)

17. How did the Ps refer to Warren Barguil from stage 17 onwards?

  • Pass on this one. P&P have a somnolent effect on me. (Rusty)

18. What did Phil think this field art was?

Screen Shot 2015-08-01 at 3.21.12 pm

  • A Crested Grebe, a Vulture, a tractor, but the correct answer was “a bit shit really”. (Neilly)
  • It was, in fact, just a coq up. (Froggies)

 

19. As best you can, try to reproduce the way Paul Sherwen says “Département”.

  • De-party-month (Rusty)
  • Dep – aaarrrr – dew (Bag o’Spanners)

20. Who was the oldest rider in the Tour this year and how old was he?

  • Controversially, one of the youngest commentator this year was Jens Voigt at just 43 years of age. (Bag o’Spanners)
  • Some guy called Eddie Merckx, that they talked about ALL the time (70yo) (Froggies)
  • Well it wasn’t Jensie and Cadel has retired and Samu is 36 Quintana looks 45 but is only 25. (Sue)

21. Simplify the following Sherliggettisms:

  • in the descendancy: an adbreak (Bag o’Spanners); Mark Cavendish’s sprinting prowess (Froggies)
  • a southerly direction: Kim & Kanye’s next child (Froggies)
  • the dampness has disappeared: chateau renovations (Dzurlady)
  • hectometres: a very common phrase to define 10 decametres, or the less common 328 feet (Bag o’Spanners); I have an enormous intellect and I want to show it off to you imbeciles! (Accidental Sunshine)
  • sterile gap: Boring breakaway (Froggies)
  • the outskirts of time: hectometres (Accidental Sunshine)

Bonus question: if you were given a choice between having a dollar (AUD) every time the Ps mentioned the Roches, a Euro every time they mentioned Merckx, or a Swiss Franc every time they said “undulating”, which would you choose?

  • for the bonus, I’ll go the Swiss Franc for undulating. After all i can pay my UCI fines with those Francs. (Neilly)
  • Based on current international exchange rates, and the frequency used, a Euro for every time Merckx was mentioned would bail out Greece. (Froggies)

Chapeau to Dzurlady, who interpreted most of the Sherliggettisms as meaning “false flat”, hhhneilly – who answered each Sherliggettism with DRINK – and Rusty, who also played with the P&P obsession with repetition with “P&P have a somnolent effect on me” as a codicil to any answer that was a guess. Also to the Froggies, who went above and beyond with the entertainment value of their alternate answers.

Tour de France 2015 – The Quiz

It’s been nearly a week – how much can you remember? The quiz will close in a week, on Saturday August 8th at 5.00pm. Send answers via the contact form. Bonne chance!

  1. In the excitement of the stage 1 time trial, where were Australian fans said to be sitting?
  2. Does Marcel Kittel only use Alpecin because they sponsor his team?
  3. Whose hair is a better gauge of weather conditions at the finish: Robbie’s or Mike’s?
  4. According to Paul, what does everybody want to be when they grow up?
  5. How can you differentiate between the Yates twins?
  6. Which province is the hotbed of cycling?
  7. What euphemism did the Ps use to refer to JC Péraud’s exposed bits in stage 13?
  8. Speaking of shorts, why did Rohan Dennis choose black shorts for some stages?
  9. How did Valverde end up with torn shorts in stage 6?
  10. What was the punchline to Paul Sherwen’s hilarious stage 6 joke?
  11. Which alliterative adjectives did the Ps use to describe the four GC favourites?
  12. What is the 10th largest port in the world?
  13. Which past champion was mentioned ad nauseum during stage 3 and why?
  14. In a team time trial, which rider do they take the time from?
  15. Is Tejay a pilot fish or a goldfish?
  16. How did Geraint Thomas say he would respond when the doctors asked his name after the stage 16 crash?
  17. How did the Ps refer to Warren Barguil from stage 17 onwards?
  18. What did Phil think this field art was?Screen Shot 2015-08-01 at 3.21.12 pm
  19. As best you can, try to reproduce the way Paul Sherwen says “Département”.
  20. Who was the oldest rider in the Tour this year and how old was he?
  21. Simplify the following Sherliggettisms:
  • in the descendancy
  • surgical interventions
  • a southerly direction
  • the dampness has disappeared
  • hectometres
  • the team of Chris Froome
  • sterile gap
  • job of work
  • the outskirts of time
  • the Alpine mountains

Bonus question: if you were given a choice between having a dollar (AUD) every time the Ps mentioned the Roches, a Euro every time they mentioned Merckx, or a Swiss Franc every time they said “undulating”, which would you choose?

Stage 21: Round-up

 

Vache!

 

Our jerseys:

 

 


 

 

Wheelie!

 

Moutons clearly lack loyalty.

 

Mike looks as distraught as the couch peloton at the end of Le Tour.

 

*Sigh*

 

Merci beaucoup…

…and so say all of us!

 

Well-earned…

 

PHEW!

For a much more detailed wrap-up…

 

Puffin.

 

Here’s hoping next year’s finale isn’t on sooooooo late!

Thanks for all your wit and wisdom. It’s been a hoot. Now…

Stage 21: Sèvres > Paris Champs-Élysées

The only question to be answered in the final stage is “Who will take stage honours?”. All the jerseys are decided: Chris Froome has both the Maillot Jaune and the Polka Dots; Peter Sagan has the Green Jersey under control and Nairo Quintana  has the white jersey. Of course, the Tour overall has most likely left us all with a number of questions over which we might argue for the next 342 days. I doubt that one of those will be “Did Qhubeka deserve a wildcard?”. Hopefully they will become regular participants.

As we watch the procession towards Paris we should join the leaders in celebrating with a glass of champagne. If you still have some aged alpine cheese in the fridge, this is the match of choice at Serious Eats. More traditionally, rich triple-cream cheeses are matched with sparkling wines – seems like a good excuse for something oozy and decadent!

Unless something extraordinary happens, there will be no cattle to spot today. I’ll leave you with this painting; there may be a couple of unseen vaches behind  the hedgerows.

Road to Sèvres, Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot, 1855-1865

Road to Sèvres, Jean-Baptiste-Camille Corot, 1855-1865

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Stage 20: Modane Valfrejus > Alpe d’Huez

It’s the final stage in the Alps, and the last stage where anybody is likely to do something unexpected. The organisers have managed to squeeze the Télégraphe, Galibier and Alpe d’Huez into a 110km stage. This time yesterday, I figured it was going to be a stage to watch the climbers fight over the King of the Mountains points and bemoan the lack of interest in the GC after week one. Quintana’s attack on La Toussuire yesterday showed that Froome was vulnerable… but is it too little, too late, or has Nairo saved his box of matches just for this stage? It’s a very outside chance.

We’re still in the Savoie so let’s hope there are some cows attached to the cowbells we hear. Today’s route is not too far from the birthplace of the Villard de Lans so I’m willing to call the Alpe d’Huez cows VdLs.

Some of Alpe d'Huez's many cows... could they be Villard-de-Lans?

Image: M Vache

Tip: if the video doesn’t load, refresh the page.

Video: Alrom Niverno

The Villard de Lans is a dual-purpose breed, described as “spirited, with a lively disposition”. Their milk is used for the Bleu du Vercors-Sassenage cheese which is celebrated in an annual festival in August – “20,000 visiteurs… 2 tonnes de fromage”. It’s worth checking out their website for the collection of posters promoting the event over the past few years. TrollDJ would be particularly interested in the 2012 poster. The breed is on the conservation list of France Génétique Elevage with the current population recorded as 403 cows.

Speaking of blue cheeses, there is another Savoie cheese that is probably more endangered than the Villard de Lans. The Bleu de Termignon is made from the milk of the Tarentaise and Abondance cows by three producers high in the Alps. One producer has started to modernise production, but the other two producers are using the same techniques as their forefathers. The story is told beautifully here.  If you can’t find any of these blue cheeses, feel free to substitute any of the other delicious alpine cheeses or start doing the end-of-Tour fridge clean-out. Oh, and if you think you can manage one more cheese-and-potatoes dish this Tour, here’s the local version.

 

Stage 19: Saint-Jean-de-Maurienne > La Toussuire

This is the sharp end of the Tour even if judging only by all those alpine climbs that look incredibly symmetrical in the route profile. Froome continues to hold on to the yellow jersey and it would take a miracle – or a catastrophe – to dislodge it from his grip. I’m sure no cycling fan wants to see either of those. There is still a lot of life left in the climbers’  competition, though, and we can expect the motos to stick closely to Bardet, Voeckler, Rolland and Pinot.

There will no doubt be a point during this 138km stage – say, at kilometre zero – when the sprinters will look over their shoulders and wonder if it’s worth going the long way ’round. It’s 3.8 km to Saint-Pancrace – they could stop for a spot of lunch and meet up with the race for the last 20km. Alas, that option is not open to them so it will be a matter of doing those infernal calculations while they drag themselves up and down the Col du Chaussy, the Col de la Croix de Fer and the Col du Mollard, quite probably humming Helter Skelter to themselves as they go.

Hopefully whilst they are doing that, we will see some cattle. We know we will see Tarantaise cows as long as we tune in to the Taste le Tour segment.

Screen Shot 2015-07-24 at 9.54.06 am

Image: SBS, Taste le Tour

These gorgeous beasts produce the milk that makes the equally gorgeous Beaufort cheese, known as Prince of the Gruyères. This cheese is made in large wheels which are then matured in caves or cellars for up to two years. For more on its manufacture, watch tonight or check out this lovely post. It is definitely worth seeking out some of this delicious cheese (and yes, I am saying that in Gabriel Gaté’s accent as I type). We bought some at a street market when we were visiting the stage 16 start two years ago and, even under less than ideal cheese transporting and storage conditions, it was a revelation. Gabriel is cooking with it tonight – an omelette, which seems like the perfect end-of-week dinner. I think I might do the same.