We have a winner!

Bovine head-desk

Bovine head-desk

Image: Wikimedia

Quizzes should be simple to mark, right? I mean, there’s a right answer, and a wrong answer. Except, of course, when Sherliggett is a factor. After all, sometimes not even our esteemed commentators were really sure of the correct answer.

There was, however, a clear winner. A winner who was not put off by the repeated assertions that Simon Yates was the youngest rider in the race. A winner who managed to shoehorn in a reference to Fabian Cancellara in the answer to question 19. A winner who used the word PANIC in the answer to question 19 almost as many times as Sherliggett did during the broadcast…

Congratulations to Accidental Sunshine, an appropriate winner given the weather for this year’s edition of the race. Not only were most of the answers correct, they were also entertaining.

Here are some of the other (not necessarily correct!) answers that had me chuckling away at my computer:

1. How many Sundays are there in the Tour de France.

  • Four. There were, however, less than four sunny days. (Buttered Frog)
  • 48 Sundays too few. (S)
  • Every day is Sunday in the Couch le Tour. (Rusty)

2. Where should you ride in the peloton?

  • Behind Fabian, Bernie or Jakob to admire the view? (Midge)
  • From the start to the finish. (James)
  • In front of Nibali. All the damn way to Paris. (Scott)

4. Which city is Nibali from?

5. How old is Jens Voigt?

  • 42 going on 21. (Craig)
  • Older than time itself. (Charlotte)
  • 42, of course! After all, his existence in the peloton is the answer to the universe and all that. (Rusty)

6. How old is Chris Horner?

  • 42 going on 50. (Craig)

7. When the race started, who was the youngest rider?

  • Boy Van Poppel’s little brother, Danny (20yo at the Grand Depart). Also Jean-Paul Van Poppel’s son. Cue Paul Sherwen anecdote about riding against Van Poppel senior. Alternatively commentary may tangent to other families. (Buttered Frog)
  • One of Jens Voigt’s kids. (Charlotte)
  • Chris Horner. (James)

8. How many kids does Jens have?

  • When he stops riding full time he can count them. (Sue)
  • Where did he find the time? (Rusty)

9. Why was Stephen Roche mentioned with such frequency?

  • Because Paul has a huge man crush. (Becca)
  • …according to Phil, “as a seven year old, he earned the money for his first bicycle by sweeping Dublin Floors”. (S)

10. What is the?

  • Definite article; used to mark a natural phenomenon such as “The Jensie”. (Buttered Frog)
  • meaning of life (Conor)

11. Which stage saw Nibs v gormless-selfie-taker?

Thanks, Froggie and S for the gif!

14. What do you think was portrayed in the unseen field art of the school kids?

  • The kiddies were taken out by the dangerous knitted miniature jerseys. This was the cause of the OH&S controversy. (Buttered Frog)
  • Sky bikes and Froome on the podium, alas it’s now broken bikes and lost dreams. (Bronwen)
  • “Where’s Wiggo?” (James)
  • Impending doom. (Scott)

15. What causes picture breakup?

  • Russian spy satellites. (Craig)
  • Apparently it’s the work experience kid going slow on the bike-powered-generator out the back of Paul and Phil’s OB Van. (S)
  • French impressionists. (Rusty)
  • 180 cases of simultaneous chafing. (Scott)

16. What does the number beside place names denote?

  • It’s either the department number or the amount of times Phil mangles the English language in that region. (Becca)
  • The page number in the road book, so Paul can quickly find all the required historical trivia. (James)

18. What does a peloton never do?

  • Worry about helmet hair. (Scott)
  • Listen to its mother. (Rusty)
  • Complete an H&R Block tax return (Buttered Frog)
  • Decide to turn into a marching band (Conor)
  • Simply ride into Mordor. (Craig)

25. What was the theme for this year’s field art?

  • Exploited children (Becca)
  • “Have you checked the children?” (Scott)
  • Covering up for those missing Yorkshire kiddies, oh and circles, so many circles. (Buttered Frog)
  • “The insanity of the farmers of France.” First they sent all their vaches to a hidden milk well never to be seen again then promptly started maniacally driving their tractors in endless circles in their now vache barren fields. (Sue)

26. What does a cyclist carry in his suitcase?

  • I’ll ask one. (Conor)
  • A towel. Always a towel. Oh no, that’s hitchhikers. (Charlotte)

27. If he wasn’t a pro-cyclist, what would Tommy Voeckler be?

  • Just as annoying. (James)
  • Secret government agent (Ange)
  • Taste-tester (Conor)
  • Bono impersonator (Buttered Frog)
  • A basset hound (Becca)
  • Housewives’ handyman (Sue)
  • A comedian and/or less popular. (Craig)
  • The lead performer in Paul’s production Dancing on the Pedals. (Charlotte)
  • The French answer to Marcel Marceau. (Sue)
  • Poker face for hire. (Scott)
  • Perhaps an extra in a really bad porn movie? (S)
  • A gurner. (Tête de la Course)

28. What key possession did airport security confiscate from Kittel?

  • His climbing legs. (Craig)
  • His hair gel, which was thankfully not packed in his suitcase of courage, otherwise it may have led to PANIC! (Sue)

The other prize – let’s call it our Lanterne Rouge – goes to Anne, who managed to make the answer to every question 42.

= = = = = = = =

  • How many Sundays are there in the Tour de France? If you live in Australia and have to stay awake through that many Sundays – too many! Conservative guess, about 42.
  • Where should you ride in the peleton? I would have said “in the front” but given how many crashed at the front, I’m going to say 42nd.
  • What is the nickname of this year’s winner? The Shark. Which is like a dolphin, which all left the Earth when the Vogons arrived. And the computer in that book said the answer to everything was 42. So, again, I’m going with 42.
  • Which city is he from? I’m choosing to ignore this question because I can’t figure out how to get 42 in the answer. Oh wait, just did!
  • How old is Jens Voigt? Duh. 42
  • How old is Chris Horner? Not 42. But close.
  • When the race started, who was the youngest rider? Not Jens. He is 42.
  • How many kids does Jens have? 6, but sometimes his twitter feed gives the impression it is 42.
  • Why was Stephen Roche mentioned with such frequency? Either his dad is somehow involved in cycling, or P&P had a dare to get his name in 42 times per stage. Yeah. The second one.
  • Which stage saw Nibs v gormless-selfie-taker? So there was a stage 42 right? Or it happened with 42 km to go in some stage or other. Not important really. Yes, I know, it was the question. But the question doesn’t fit my answer.
  • According to the P’s, what was the biggest challenge for fans in the opening stage? Staying awake for more than 42 consecutive minutes.
  • What is remarkable about the walls in Yorkshire? Each wall has approximately 42 dry stones in it.
  • What do you think was portrayed in the unseen field art of the school kids? A giant 42 in honor of Jens and his final tour, clearly!
  • What causes picture breakup? The awesome power of 42 year old Jens’ legs when he gets into a breakaway. Or just rides along in the peleton. Either really.
  • What does the number beside place names denote? The department of France. My favourite is 42. If it exists. If not, it should.
  • Match the rider and birthplace? Voeckler with his 42 cm tongue is… oh who knows!!
  • What does a peleton never do? Get nervous? Nope. Get panicky! That’s it. They were nervous plenty of times. Again, rough estimate, about 42 times across the stages.
  • How many times has Tony Martin won the World TT championship? 42. No wait, that’s how many times he will win it before he retires. Including solo TDF stages.
  • Which ministries did the Ps award to Voeckler? Ministry of the tongue. The 42 cm tongue.
  • Was our roadside pachyderm an Asian or African elephant? Don’t you mean swallow? And how would it carry a coconut? And this sketch has been done to death. Around 42 times today alone.
  • Which nation was represented for the first time? Not sure, but it must have been the 42nd nation to have riders compete in the TDF.
  • What was the theme for this year’s field art? A Vacheless France. And there were 42 such field art installations viewed on SBS.
  • What does a cyclist carry in his suitcase? Well, the obvious answer is courage, but since you’ll get that around 42 times, I’m going with reserves of energy.
  • If he wasn’t a pro-cyclist, what would Tommy Voeckler be? With a 42 cm tongue like that… well, that would be rude… but he’d be paid well for using it…. :O
  • What key possession did airport security confiscate from Kittel? About 42 L of hair gel.

 

 

 

 

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