TDF 2015 – Quiz responses

Congratulations to S, winner of this year’s quiz. Of course there are many honourable mentions: contributors who balanced wit and accuracy; those who demonstrated how three weeks of Sherliggettisms can really worm their way into the brain, for better or worse; those who researched above and beyond and had me scratching my head as to whether the “right” answer should be the fact peddled by the commentators, or the actual answer…

It seems a shame to keep all that to myself, so here are some of the highlights.

1. In the excitement of the stage 1 time trial, where were Australian fans said to be sitting?

  • grilling their bums (Rusty)

2. Does Marcel Kittel only use Alpecin because they sponsor his team?

  • Yes, he was not telling the truth in the ads. (Neilly)
  • No, because there is an actual warning on the bottle that the caffeine may cause adverse findings for sportsman (I can provide a screenshot if required) (Froggies)

3. Whose hair is a better gauge of weather conditions at the finish: Robbie’s or Mike’s?

  • No idea, I was too distracted by the perfection of Robbie’s eyebrows. (Dzurlady)
  • Macka, on the other hand, was of no use in this situation (Froggies)

4. According to Paul, what does everybody want to be when they grow up?

  • Stephen Roche’s son, or nervous, or a big diesel engine, a head of state, or Ritchie Froome, a former mountain bike rider (Bag o’Spanners)
  • South African (Accidental Sunshine)
  • Actually I’ve decided they want to be a “Mountain Bike Rider” so they can be described as “a former mountain bike rider” and Paul and Phil can get paid more for the additional syllables. (S)
  • An astronaut, a dry stone waller, Paul Sherwen, rich and thin? (Neilly)

5. How can you differentiate between the Yates twins?

  • You can’t, they’re twins (Tete de la Course)
  • Easy, at last year’s TDF, Paul told us that Adam (who looks like his mother) was 2 years older than Simon (who looks like his father), but this year they just had different rider numbers (Bag o’Spanners)
  • If Phil said it was Simon, it was almost certainly Adam. (Froggies)

6. Which province is the hotbed of cycling?

  • Brittany is the hotbed of French cycling, but Lourdes is the hotbed of French cricket (Froggies)

7. What euphemism did the Ps use to refer to JC Péraud’s exposed bits in stage 13?

  • Whatever it was it was clearly effective, because I have no idea, despite being 100% focused on the commentary and only the commentary at that point of the race.  (Dzurlady)
  • I didn’t hear THAT but I had my selective deafness turned on. (Giveitaburl)

8. Speaking of shorts, why did Rohan Dennis choose black shorts for some stages?

  • If Matty Keenan mentioned it again I was going to throttle him! Rohan had a saddle sore and RODE 3,340kms with them!! one Aussie tough bloke!! Shaddup Matty!! (Sue)

9. How did Valverde end up with torn shorts in stage 6?

  • When taking the piss, one should always unclip properly, no matter how much a hurry you’re in (Bag o’Spanners)
  • He and Thibot Pinot went handbags at each other? (Rusty)
  • A “piss-hap” – silly clot fell off his bike while communing with nature. (S)
  • He was trying to turn out the lights… BOOM BOOM (Accidental Sunshine)

10. What was the punchline to Paul Sherwen’s hilarious stage 6 joke?

  • Naturally, nobody tried to be funnier in answering this question than the actual answer to the question. Who, after all, could beat the wheeze that was Puffin?

11. Which alliterative adjectives did the Ps use to describe the four GC favourites?

  • Fantastic, famous, fromage  (Dzurlady)

12. What is the 10th largest port in the world?

  • Since the Ps have problems with numbers I’d say Rotterdam but I think it’s actually Busan in South Korea by container volume.  (Tete de la Course)
  • Its Yingkou in China. A very odd question for TDF quiz, I would have thought Rotterdam as the 8th largest would have been more appropriate. (Bag o’Spanners)
  • The port that is larger than the 11th largest port in the world, but smaller than the 9th largest port in the world.  (Dzurlady)
  • Richie Porte (S)

13. Which past champion was mentioned ad nauseum during stage 3 and why?

  • MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, OOH, IS THAT A STATUE OF EDDIE MERCKX? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, IS THERE A RACE ON? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX (S)

14. In a team time trial, which rider do they take the time from?

  • Leeloo (Bag o’Spanners)
  • Hesjedal (Froggies)

15. Is Tejay a pilot fish or a goldfish?

  • Depends on whether he is going uphill or not, gasping. (Rusty)
  • After stage 17 when he went missing in action, I thought he was actually a clown fish called “Nemo”. (S)
  • A salmon, rising magnificently from the stream until he met an early end (Dzurlady)

16. How did Geraint Thomas say he would respond when the doctors asked his name after the stage 16 crash?

  • If it was Phil it’d be Richie Froome but he doesn’t need a knock to the head for that.  (Tete de la Course)

17. How did the Ps refer to Warren Barguil from stage 17 onwards?

  • Pass on this one. P&P have a somnolent effect on me. (Rusty)

18. What did Phil think this field art was?

Screen Shot 2015-08-01 at 3.21.12 pm

  • A Crested Grebe, a Vulture, a tractor, but the correct answer was “a bit shit really”. (Neilly)
  • It was, in fact, just a coq up. (Froggies)

 

19. As best you can, try to reproduce the way Paul Sherwen says “Département”.

  • De-party-month (Rusty)
  • Dep – aaarrrr – dew (Bag o’Spanners)

20. Who was the oldest rider in the Tour this year and how old was he?

  • Controversially, one of the youngest commentator this year was Jens Voigt at just 43 years of age. (Bag o’Spanners)
  • Some guy called Eddie Merckx, that they talked about ALL the time (70yo) (Froggies)
  • Well it wasn’t Jensie and Cadel has retired and Samu is 36 Quintana looks 45 but is only 25. (Sue)

21. Simplify the following Sherliggettisms:

  • in the descendancy: an adbreak (Bag o’Spanners); Mark Cavendish’s sprinting prowess (Froggies)
  • a southerly direction: Kim & Kanye’s next child (Froggies)
  • the dampness has disappeared: chateau renovations (Dzurlady)
  • hectometres: a very common phrase to define 10 decametres, or the less common 328 feet (Bag o’Spanners); I have an enormous intellect and I want to show it off to you imbeciles! (Accidental Sunshine)
  • sterile gap: Boring breakaway (Froggies)
  • the outskirts of time: hectometres (Accidental Sunshine)

Bonus question: if you were given a choice between having a dollar (AUD) every time the Ps mentioned the Roches, a Euro every time they mentioned Merckx, or a Swiss Franc every time they said “undulating”, which would you choose?

  • for the bonus, I’ll go the Swiss Franc for undulating. After all i can pay my UCI fines with those Francs. (Neilly)
  • Based on current international exchange rates, and the frequency used, a Euro for every time Merckx was mentioned would bail out Greece. (Froggies)

Chapeau to Dzurlady, who interpreted most of the Sherliggettisms as meaning “false flat”, hhhneilly – who answered each Sherliggettism with DRINK – and Rusty, who also played with the P&P obsession with repetition with “P&P have a somnolent effect on me” as a codicil to any answer that was a guess. Also to the Froggies, who went above and beyond with the entertainment value of their alternate answers.

Tour de France 2015 – The Quiz

It’s been nearly a week – how much can you remember? The quiz will close in a week, on Saturday August 8th at 5.00pm. Send answers via the contact form. Bonne chance!

  1. In the excitement of the stage 1 time trial, where were Australian fans said to be sitting?
  2. Does Marcel Kittel only use Alpecin because they sponsor his team?
  3. Whose hair is a better gauge of weather conditions at the finish: Robbie’s or Mike’s?
  4. According to Paul, what does everybody want to be when they grow up?
  5. How can you differentiate between the Yates twins?
  6. Which province is the hotbed of cycling?
  7. What euphemism did the Ps use to refer to JC Péraud’s exposed bits in stage 13?
  8. Speaking of shorts, why did Rohan Dennis choose black shorts for some stages?
  9. How did Valverde end up with torn shorts in stage 6?
  10. What was the punchline to Paul Sherwen’s hilarious stage 6 joke?
  11. Which alliterative adjectives did the Ps use to describe the four GC favourites?
  12. What is the 10th largest port in the world?
  13. Which past champion was mentioned ad nauseum during stage 3 and why?
  14. In a team time trial, which rider do they take the time from?
  15. Is Tejay a pilot fish or a goldfish?
  16. How did Geraint Thomas say he would respond when the doctors asked his name after the stage 16 crash?
  17. How did the Ps refer to Warren Barguil from stage 17 onwards?
  18. What did Phil think this field art was?Screen Shot 2015-08-01 at 3.21.12 pm
  19. As best you can, try to reproduce the way Paul Sherwen says “Département”.
  20. Who was the oldest rider in the Tour this year and how old was he?
  21. Simplify the following Sherliggettisms:
  • in the descendancy
  • surgical interventions
  • a southerly direction
  • the dampness has disappeared
  • hectometres
  • the team of Chris Froome
  • sterile gap
  • job of work
  • the outskirts of time
  • the Alpine mountains

Bonus question: if you were given a choice between having a dollar (AUD) every time the Ps mentioned the Roches, a Euro every time they mentioned Merckx, or a Swiss Franc every time they said “undulating”, which would you choose?

We have a winner!

Bovine head-desk

Bovine head-desk

Image: Wikimedia

Quizzes should be simple to mark, right? I mean, there’s a right answer, and a wrong answer. Except, of course, when Sherliggett is a factor. After all, sometimes not even our esteemed commentators were really sure of the correct answer.

There was, however, a clear winner. A winner who was not put off by the repeated assertions that Simon Yates was the youngest rider in the race. A winner who managed to shoehorn in a reference to Fabian Cancellara in the answer to question 19. A winner who used the word PANIC in the answer to question 19 almost as many times as Sherliggett did during the broadcast…

Congratulations to Accidental Sunshine, an appropriate winner given the weather for this year’s edition of the race. Not only were most of the answers correct, they were also entertaining.

Here are some of the other (not necessarily correct!) answers that had me chuckling away at my computer:

1. How many Sundays are there in the Tour de France.

  • Four. There were, however, less than four sunny days. (Buttered Frog)
  • 48 Sundays too few. (S)
  • Every day is Sunday in the Couch le Tour. (Rusty)

2. Where should you ride in the peloton?

  • Behind Fabian, Bernie or Jakob to admire the view? (Midge)
  • From the start to the finish. (James)
  • In front of Nibali. All the damn way to Paris. (Scott)

4. Which city is Nibali from?

5. How old is Jens Voigt?

  • 42 going on 21. (Craig)
  • Older than time itself. (Charlotte)
  • 42, of course! After all, his existence in the peloton is the answer to the universe and all that. (Rusty)

6. How old is Chris Horner?

  • 42 going on 50. (Craig)

7. When the race started, who was the youngest rider?

  • Boy Van Poppel’s little brother, Danny (20yo at the Grand Depart). Also Jean-Paul Van Poppel’s son. Cue Paul Sherwen anecdote about riding against Van Poppel senior. Alternatively commentary may tangent to other families. (Buttered Frog)
  • One of Jens Voigt’s kids. (Charlotte)
  • Chris Horner. (James)

8. How many kids does Jens have?

  • When he stops riding full time he can count them. (Sue)
  • Where did he find the time? (Rusty)

9. Why was Stephen Roche mentioned with such frequency?

  • Because Paul has a huge man crush. (Becca)
  • …according to Phil, “as a seven year old, he earned the money for his first bicycle by sweeping Dublin Floors”. (S)

10. What is the?

  • Definite article; used to mark a natural phenomenon such as “The Jensie”. (Buttered Frog)
  • meaning of life (Conor)

11. Which stage saw Nibs v gormless-selfie-taker?

Thanks, Froggie and S for the gif!

14. What do you think was portrayed in the unseen field art of the school kids?

  • The kiddies were taken out by the dangerous knitted miniature jerseys. This was the cause of the OH&S controversy. (Buttered Frog)
  • Sky bikes and Froome on the podium, alas it’s now broken bikes and lost dreams. (Bronwen)
  • “Where’s Wiggo?” (James)
  • Impending doom. (Scott)

15. What causes picture breakup?

  • Russian spy satellites. (Craig)
  • Apparently it’s the work experience kid going slow on the bike-powered-generator out the back of Paul and Phil’s OB Van. (S)
  • French impressionists. (Rusty)
  • 180 cases of simultaneous chafing. (Scott)

16. What does the number beside place names denote?

  • It’s either the department number or the amount of times Phil mangles the English language in that region. (Becca)
  • The page number in the road book, so Paul can quickly find all the required historical trivia. (James)

18. What does a peloton never do?

  • Worry about helmet hair. (Scott)
  • Listen to its mother. (Rusty)
  • Complete an H&R Block tax return (Buttered Frog)
  • Decide to turn into a marching band (Conor)
  • Simply ride into Mordor. (Craig)

25. What was the theme for this year’s field art?

  • Exploited children (Becca)
  • “Have you checked the children?” (Scott)
  • Covering up for those missing Yorkshire kiddies, oh and circles, so many circles. (Buttered Frog)
  • “The insanity of the farmers of France.” First they sent all their vaches to a hidden milk well never to be seen again then promptly started maniacally driving their tractors in endless circles in their now vache barren fields. (Sue)

26. What does a cyclist carry in his suitcase?

  • I’ll ask one. (Conor)
  • A towel. Always a towel. Oh no, that’s hitchhikers. (Charlotte)

27. If he wasn’t a pro-cyclist, what would Tommy Voeckler be?

  • Just as annoying. (James)
  • Secret government agent (Ange)
  • Taste-tester (Conor)
  • Bono impersonator (Buttered Frog)
  • A basset hound (Becca)
  • Housewives’ handyman (Sue)
  • A comedian and/or less popular. (Craig)
  • The lead performer in Paul’s production Dancing on the Pedals. (Charlotte)
  • The French answer to Marcel Marceau. (Sue)
  • Poker face for hire. (Scott)
  • Perhaps an extra in a really bad porn movie? (S)
  • A gurner. (Tête de la Course)

28. What key possession did airport security confiscate from Kittel?

  • His climbing legs. (Craig)
  • His hair gel, which was thankfully not packed in his suitcase of courage, otherwise it may have led to PANIC! (Sue)

The other prize – let’s call it our Lanterne Rouge – goes to Anne, who managed to make the answer to every question 42.

= = = = = = = =

  • How many Sundays are there in the Tour de France? If you live in Australia and have to stay awake through that many Sundays – too many! Conservative guess, about 42.
  • Where should you ride in the peleton? I would have said “in the front” but given how many crashed at the front, I’m going to say 42nd.
  • What is the nickname of this year’s winner? The Shark. Which is like a dolphin, which all left the Earth when the Vogons arrived. And the computer in that book said the answer to everything was 42. So, again, I’m going with 42.
  • Which city is he from? I’m choosing to ignore this question because I can’t figure out how to get 42 in the answer. Oh wait, just did!
  • How old is Jens Voigt? Duh. 42
  • How old is Chris Horner? Not 42. But close.
  • When the race started, who was the youngest rider? Not Jens. He is 42.
  • How many kids does Jens have? 6, but sometimes his twitter feed gives the impression it is 42.
  • Why was Stephen Roche mentioned with such frequency? Either his dad is somehow involved in cycling, or P&P had a dare to get his name in 42 times per stage. Yeah. The second one.
  • Which stage saw Nibs v gormless-selfie-taker? So there was a stage 42 right? Or it happened with 42 km to go in some stage or other. Not important really. Yes, I know, it was the question. But the question doesn’t fit my answer.
  • According to the P’s, what was the biggest challenge for fans in the opening stage? Staying awake for more than 42 consecutive minutes.
  • What is remarkable about the walls in Yorkshire? Each wall has approximately 42 dry stones in it.
  • What do you think was portrayed in the unseen field art of the school kids? A giant 42 in honor of Jens and his final tour, clearly!
  • What causes picture breakup? The awesome power of 42 year old Jens’ legs when he gets into a breakaway. Or just rides along in the peleton. Either really.
  • What does the number beside place names denote? The department of France. My favourite is 42. If it exists. If not, it should.
  • Match the rider and birthplace? Voeckler with his 42 cm tongue is… oh who knows!!
  • What does a peleton never do? Get nervous? Nope. Get panicky! That’s it. They were nervous plenty of times. Again, rough estimate, about 42 times across the stages.
  • How many times has Tony Martin won the World TT championship? 42. No wait, that’s how many times he will win it before he retires. Including solo TDF stages.
  • Which ministries did the Ps award to Voeckler? Ministry of the tongue. The 42 cm tongue.
  • Was our roadside pachyderm an Asian or African elephant? Don’t you mean swallow? And how would it carry a coconut? And this sketch has been done to death. Around 42 times today alone.
  • Which nation was represented for the first time? Not sure, but it must have been the 42nd nation to have riders compete in the TDF.
  • What was the theme for this year’s field art? A Vacheless France. And there were 42 such field art installations viewed on SBS.
  • What does a cyclist carry in his suitcase? Well, the obvious answer is courage, but since you’ll get that around 42 times, I’m going with reserves of energy.
  • If he wasn’t a pro-cyclist, what would Tommy Voeckler be? With a 42 cm tongue like that… well, that would be rude… but he’d be paid well for using it…. :O
  • What key possession did airport security confiscate from Kittel? About 42 L of hair gel.

 

 

 

 

Le Tour de France 2014 – the quiz

For three weeks, we watched as some of the world’s best road cyclists traversed France and beyond through rain, rain, rain, and even a few slivers of sunlight. Was ours the easy job? Well, we didn’t have to battle the elements, ride on after horrendous crashes or climb mountains, but we did have to face something the pro peloton was shielded from: maintaining sanity in the face of hours of sometimes bizarre commentary.

Our efforts needn’t have been in vain, though. There’s always the chance to put this knowledge to use by attempting the LVDT quiz. There will be a prize for the winner! Entries close Monday at 8.30pm AEST. Email your responses by then and let’s see which fan reigns supreme!

    How many Sundays are there in the Tour de France?
    Where should you ride in the peloton?
    What is the nickname of this year’s winner?
    Which city is he from?
    How old is Jens Voigt?
    How old is Chris Horner?
    When the race started, who was the youngest rider?
    How many kids does Jens have?
    Why was Stephen Roche mentioned with such frequency?
    Which stage saw Nibs v gormless-selfie-taker?
    According to the Ps, what was the biggest challenge (for fans) in the opening stage?
    What is remarkable about the walls in Yorkshire?
    What do you think was portrayed in the unseen field art of the school kids (provide a description or image)?
    What causes picture breakup?
    What does the number beside place names denote?
    Match the rider and birthplace: Voeckler/Reza Guadeloupe/Martinique
    What does a peloton never do?
    How many times has Tony Martin won the World Time Trial championship?
    Which ministries did the Ps award to Voeckler?
    Was our roadside pachyderm an Asian or African elephant?
    Which nation was represented for the first time?
    What was that riders nickname?
    Where did he finish?
    What was the theme for this year’s field art?
    What does a cyclist carry in his suitcase?
    If he wasn’t a pro cyclist, what would Tommy Voeckler be?
    What key possession did airport security confiscate from Kittel?

We have a winner!

It’s clear you really were paying attention! I wouldn’t be surprised if some of you were relying on recordings of Phil-and-Paul’s ruminations to lull you off to sleep in this post-Tour week.

We had an early bid for the Green Jersey from MG, who submitted his answers a mere 16 minutes after the quiz went live, however the lead-out train wasn’t perfectly positioned and a couple of errors were detected. We had a lot of people missing out by the merest whisker (those Velits twins! That heavy dog! Those pesky Kazakhstani syllables!), but congratulations to the person submitting the first 100% response…

@visibleprocrast

Not only were all answers correct, but they were entertaining as well. Drop us an email with your address and we’ll have the wine in the post before you can say Nibali*.

In fact, many of you had me laughing at the answers, which made the task of reading through them all a lot more fun than it otherwise would have been. Apologies to all who mourned the absence of a Roche question and chapeau to all of you who played along.

Here are some of my favourite answers:

What is the relationship between Radioshack DS Alain Gallopin and rider Tony Gallopin?

  • Alain is Tony’s Uncle, or Tony is Alain’s Nephew, but neither are related to Stephen Roche. @hhhneil

How many kids does Jens Voigt have?

  • Six Children however we are all created from his loins @SkillsyOz

Where was Chris Froome born?

  • Chris was born in Kenya. Kenya’s capital is Bilharzia, according to Paul, or perhaps it’s their national export. @hhhneil

How old is Jens Voigt?

  • The Jensie was usually 40 during the tour, but according to Phil he was 41 during his breakaway on the Champs Elysees @hhhneil
  • 40 years of age, although when P&P got into the sherry, he had aged up to 41 @ButteredFrog
  • As old as the world he created and 40 at lay person terms @SkillsyOz

Which Velits twin is older?

  • There was a mix up at the hospital and they dropped one as the other popped out. Martin on a technicality and degree of difficulty of 5.8 with a double pike turn @SkillsyOz

According to the wisdom of Paul Sherwen, where should you always ride in the peloton?

  • According to the wisdom of Sherwin you should always ride at the front of the peloton, in the first 30 riders. Unfortunately due to maths and physics this leaves 100+ riders with a spatial-temporal conundrum. @visibleprocrast

What was the breed of the dog involved in the Philippe Gilbert accident in stage 18?

  • A big black … Pyrenean Mountain Dog? I can’t agree with P&P on this as the dog is clearly black and the Pyrenean Mountain Dog is white. It seems that we may have to settle with “large black dog”. @visibleprocrast
  • Are you sure it was a dog – they all claim it was as big as a pony! 🙂 And it was black, and furry… and rather cute to be honest @Bourbondini

How much did the dog weigh?

  • 50kg (in comparative terms; more than Sammy Dumoulin) @visibleprocast

In what should you pack your courage?

  • A suitcase, or in a pinch a manbag will do @hhhneil
  • A suitcase and not the handbag of doubt @SkillsyOz

= = = = = = = = = = =

*Well, before you can exhaust all the possible ways of saying “Nibali”.

 

 

Have you been paying attention?

We’ve listened to many hours of Phil Liggett’s and Paul Sherwen’s commentary over the course of this Tour and have probably learned a little bit more about certain competitors than we might have needed – or even wanted – to. It would be such a pity to let all that newly acquired knowledge go to waste, so here it is: the 2012 Tour de France quiz.

Email your answers to us by 8:30pm AEST tomorrow (Wednesday 25 July). The winner will be the first person with a 100% correct entry OR the person with the highest score should some of these questions stump you all.  The winner will receive a bottle of Domaine Bellegarde Jurançon Sec “La Pierre Blanche” 2006 provided by our supporters, DiscoverVin.

Family

  • What is the relationship between Radioshack DS Alain Gallopin and rider Tony Gallopin?
  • How many kids does Jens Voigt have?
  • Why did Fabian Cancellara withdraw from the 2012 Tour?

 Origin

  • Where was Chris Froome born?
  • Where was Bradley Wiggins born?
  • What was the nationality of Wiggins’ father?

 Age

  • How old is Jens Voigt?
  • How old is Peter Sagan?
  • Which Velits twin is older?

Tour History

  • On which climb did 2010’s “Chaingate” occur?
  • What happened to Sandy Casar on stage 18 in the 2007 Tour?
  • How many Tours de France has George Hincapie ridden?
  • How many British riders have won the Tour de France?

Strategy

  • According to the wisdom of Paul Sherwen, where should you always ride in the peloton?
  • Where in the peloton does David Moncoutié prefer to ride?
  • How many kilometres will it take the peloton to chase down a breakaway with a 4 minute lead?

Gear

  • What is the shape of the chainring on Bradley Wiggins’ TT bike?
  • Whose bike did Peter Sagan ride to win the Slovak championship?

The burning questions

  • What was the breed of the dog involved in the Philippe Gilbert accident in stage 18?
  • How much did the dog weigh?
  • Which bone did Tony Martin fracture?
  • Name a mountain biker in the peloton.
  • How did Tejay van Garderen learn Dutch?
  • Which syllable did Phil emphasise when saying “Vinokourov” in 2012?
  • How many different pronunciations of Nibali did Phil and Paul use this tour? (Spell them out phonetically)
  • In what should you pack your courage?