Congratulations to S, winner of this year’s quiz. Of course there are many honourable mentions: contributors who balanced wit and accuracy; those who demonstrated how three weeks of Sherliggettisms can really worm their way into the brain, for better or worse; those who researched above and beyond and had me scratching my head as to whether the “right” answer should be the fact peddled by the commentators, or the actual answer…
It seems a shame to keep all that to myself, so here are some of the highlights.
1. In the excitement of the stage 1 time trial, where were Australian fans said to be sitting?
- grilling their bums (Rusty)
2. Does Marcel Kittel only use Alpecin because they sponsor his team?
- Yes, he was not telling the truth in the ads. (Neilly)
- No, because there is an actual warning on the bottle that the caffeine may cause adverse findings for sportsman (I can provide a screenshot if required) (Froggies)
3. Whose hair is a better gauge of weather conditions at the finish: Robbie’s or Mike’s?
- No idea, I was too distracted by the perfection of Robbie’s eyebrows. (Dzurlady)
- Macka, on the other hand, was of no use in this situation (Froggies)
4. According to Paul, what does everybody want to be when they grow up?
- Stephen Roche’s son, or nervous, or a big diesel engine, a head of state, or Ritchie Froome, a former mountain bike rider (Bag o’Spanners)
- South African (Accidental Sunshine)
- Actually I’ve decided they want to be a “Mountain Bike Rider” so they can be described as “a former mountain bike rider” and Paul and Phil can get paid more for the additional syllables. (S)
- An astronaut, a dry stone waller, Paul Sherwen, rich and thin? (Neilly)
5. How can you differentiate between the Yates twins?
- You can’t, they’re twins (Tete de la Course)
- Easy, at last year’s TDF, Paul told us that Adam (who looks like his mother) was 2 years older than Simon (who looks like his father), but this year they just had different rider numbers (Bag o’Spanners)
- If Phil said it was Simon, it was almost certainly Adam. (Froggies)
6. Which province is the hotbed of cycling?
- Brittany is the hotbed of French cycling, but Lourdes is the hotbed of French cricket (Froggies)
7. What euphemism did the Ps use to refer to JC Péraud’s exposed bits in stage 13?
- Whatever it was it was clearly effective, because I have no idea, despite being 100% focused on the commentary and only the commentary at that point of the race. (Dzurlady)
- I didn’t hear THAT but I had my selective deafness turned on. (Giveitaburl)
8. Speaking of shorts, why did Rohan Dennis choose black shorts for some stages?
- If Matty Keenan mentioned it again I was going to throttle him! Rohan had a saddle sore and RODE 3,340kms with them!! one Aussie tough bloke!! Shaddup Matty!! (Sue)
9. How did Valverde end up with torn shorts in stage 6?
- When taking the piss, one should always unclip properly, no matter how much a hurry you’re in (Bag o’Spanners)
- He and Thibot Pinot went handbags at each other? (Rusty)
- A “piss-hap” – silly clot fell off his bike while communing with nature. (S)
- He was trying to turn out the lights… BOOM BOOM (Accidental Sunshine)
10. What was the punchline to Paul Sherwen’s hilarious stage 6 joke?
- Naturally, nobody tried to be funnier in answering this question than the actual answer to the question. Who, after all, could beat the wheeze that was Puffin?
11. Which alliterative adjectives did the Ps use to describe the four GC favourites?
- Fantastic, famous, fromage (Dzurlady)
12. What is the 10th largest port in the world?
- Since the Ps have problems with numbers I’d say Rotterdam but I think it’s actually Busan in South Korea by container volume. (Tete de la Course)
- Its Yingkou in China. A very odd question for TDF quiz, I would have thought Rotterdam as the 8th largest would have been more appropriate. (Bag o’Spanners)
- The port that is larger than the 11th largest port in the world, but smaller than the 9th largest port in the world. (Dzurlady)
- Richie Porte (S)
13. Which past champion was mentioned ad nauseum during stage 3 and why?
- MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, OOH, IS THAT A STATUE OF EDDIE MERCKX? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, IS THERE A RACE ON? MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, MERCKX, MERCKX, MERCKX (S)
14. In a team time trial, which rider do they take the time from?
- Leeloo (Bag o’Spanners)
- Hesjedal (Froggies)
15. Is Tejay a pilot fish or a goldfish?
- Depends on whether he is going uphill or not, gasping. (Rusty)
- After stage 17 when he went missing in action, I thought he was actually a clown fish called “Nemo”. (S)
- A salmon, rising magnificently from the stream until he met an early end (Dzurlady)
16. How did Geraint Thomas say he would respond when the doctors asked his name after the stage 16 crash?
- If it was Phil it’d be Richie Froome but he doesn’t need a knock to the head for that. (Tete de la Course)
17. How did the Ps refer to Warren Barguil from stage 17 onwards?
- Pass on this one. P&P have a somnolent effect on me. (Rusty)
18. What did Phil think this field art was?
- A Crested Grebe, a Vulture, a tractor, but the correct answer was “a bit shit really”. (Neilly)
- It was, in fact, just a coq up. (Froggies)
19. As best you can, try to reproduce the way Paul Sherwen says “Département”.
- De-party-month (Rusty)
- Dep – aaarrrr – dew (Bag o’Spanners)
20. Who was the oldest rider in the Tour this year and how old was he?
- Controversially, one of the youngest commentator this year was Jens Voigt at just 43 years of age. (Bag o’Spanners)
- Some guy called Eddie Merckx, that they talked about ALL the time (70yo) (Froggies)
- Well it wasn’t Jensie and Cadel has retired and Samu is 36 Quintana looks 45 but is only 25. (Sue)
21. Simplify the following Sherliggettisms:
- in the descendancy: an adbreak (Bag o’Spanners); Mark Cavendish’s sprinting prowess (Froggies)
- a southerly direction: Kim & Kanye’s next child (Froggies)
- the dampness has disappeared: chateau renovations (Dzurlady)
- hectometres: a very common phrase to define 10 decametres, or the less common 328 feet (Bag o’Spanners); I have an enormous intellect and I want to show it off to you imbeciles! (Accidental Sunshine)
- sterile gap: Boring breakaway (Froggies)
- the outskirts of time: hectometres (Accidental Sunshine)
Bonus question: if you were given a choice between having a dollar (AUD) every time the Ps mentioned the Roches, a Euro every time they mentioned Merckx, or a Swiss Franc every time they said “undulating”, which would you choose?
- for the bonus, I’ll go the Swiss Franc for undulating. After all i can pay my UCI fines with those Francs. (Neilly)
- Based on current international exchange rates, and the frequency used, a Euro for every time Merckx was mentioned would bail out Greece. (Froggies)
Chapeau to Dzurlady, who interpreted most of the Sherliggettisms as meaning “false flat”, hhhneilly – who answered each Sherliggettism with DRINK – and Rusty, who also played with the P&P obsession with repetition with “P&P have a somnolent effect on me” as a codicil to any answer that was a guess. Also to the Froggies, who went above and beyond with the entertainment value of their alternate answers.